TripDingo

As an expat in China, I’m accustomed to many foreign men being secure in their assessment that Chinese girls are “easy” and that China is a great place to get laid with satisfying frequency. Every once in awhile, however, I do encounter the odd newbie who has just arrived, is largely ignorant of what things are like here, and admirably naive idealistic in their notions of romance, dating, and love.  

Image shamelessly stolen from Billy Law’s Shisso. 

I ran across this forum thread quite awhile ago. A young man from a “country with rather mild income differences and [where] personal wealth is not the first thing to consider when people look for a relationship” posts several questions asking about where he can find a “proper well-educated and financially independent” Chinese girl. He even says: “We want to find ‘the match between souls.’”

Hilarity ensues. 

3. No one in China gives a $#!t what people in your country look for in a relationship, “match between souls” or not. Okay, not no one, but very few people. You have to understand that you likely come from a country where your income or personal wealth is vastly different from those here in China. It doesn’t matter if there’s “mild” disparity in your country, there is large disparity between you and them HERE. You can operate by whatever principles of love you wish, it is your life, but do not fool yourself into thinking that they’ll eschew their own priorities and mindsets to adopt your’s. You may find yourself horribly disappointed when she responds to all your “soulmate” talk by asking when you’re going to buy a house for her, whether or not you’ll let her handle all the finances, and how much allowance she should give you per mounth.

There’s even a good breakdown of the types of girls any guy is likely to meet at the bars and nightclubs in China…and more importantly, how to identify which is which.

4. If the girl is with a group of older or shady looking men, possibly dressed provocatively, probably with other girls of similar appearance: probably “xiao jies” whether hired at the venue or brought by the guys in the group from outside. They’re here to enjoy a free night of partying and drinking on someone else’s coin by looking pretty and giving their attentions to the males in the group. They’re there to stroke egos and may be paid for it. Any activities between them and the men afterwards may or may not be negotiable and may or may not be definite. Do not try approaching these girls, no matter how hot they are, mostly because the guys will think you’re poaching their women. The women themselves will not likely be receptive to you anyway because they’re there for the other guys and not as free-agents. 

With all of the responses on the thread (some of which include plenty of tough love) and when I find myself teaching such lads the ropes, I’m reminded of the movie, “A World Without Thieves.” But…would I be Andy Lau (Wang Bo) or You Ge (Uncle Bill)?

“Asia’s first ice bar” opened in Shanghai late last June 2007. About six months later, by January 2008, it was gone, its signage boasting the venerable Absolut brand removed and its pseudo-crystaline carcass still adorning a cranny of the Infiniti complex that is probably better known for being home to Shanghai’s Babyface nightclub.

Image shamelessly stolen from SmartShanghai…because I’m a bitch. 

I remember walking along Huai Hai Zhong Lu that day when it first opened. It definitely had a big opening as far as decorations were concerned but I don’t recall there being a steady stream of people waiting to get in. Of course, I could’ve just been passing by too early in the evening. It wasn’t until much later in 2007 that I actually opted to venture to the venue and check it out. There was some special event featuring a fashion show. Mildly curious about seeing the ice bar in person, I arrived only to find out that the ice bar itself wasn’t part of the event. Instead, it was held in an ajoining bar and dining area that, well, isn’t made entirely of ice…and therefore a much less interesting novelty. There certainly was a lot of people at the venue there, but after enduring a magic show and a lame fashion show with the ugliest models you could imagine, the place emptied out pretty quickly.

Yeah, not going back anytime soon.

Now, it appears I’ll never get a chance to see Shanghai’s Absolut Ice Bar either, which once issued a press release promising to “remain the coolest and trendiest place in the city.”

Yeah.

Okay, I don’t begrudge them the usual optimistic marketing jargon but the restaurant business (bars and nightclubs included) has always been a risky business. In a city like Shanghai, venues come and go, popping up and shuttering with enough quickness for one to wonder if money laundering was what it was all about. I’ve covered Pegasus here before but beyond that, there’s a never-ending list of failed party-places of all sizes and shapes: Arena, CK Why Not, Club G-Spot (I kid you not), etc. etc. etc. Who knows, maybe big bad Attica on the Bund may be next, judging by the poor turnout it had this past New Year’s Eve when compared to a packed house the year before when it was still fresh and new. I can definitely say I’ve dropped by a few times only to promptly leave upon finding a relatively empty venue…and it isn’t a party when you have a big space with few partiers.

The echoes of Absolut’s failure in Shanghai can be found on the internet. Their official website (www.absoluteicebarshanghai.com) is gone, registered as it was late last February and still valid until 2009. Google hasn’t even fully updated its cached search results for the website, still showing a link inside the website that no longer exists.

The whims of those vice-seekers are hard to pin-point. Some businesses succeed, others fail, and the possible reasons for this or that are always legion.

A city like Shanghai certainly has no shortage of laundromats night clubs and bars. In fact, it can be said that Shanghai is incredibly boring once you’ve done your fair share of shopping and partying. After all, the novelty and excitement eventually wears off and the repeated late-nights and ensuing hangovers start wearing the body down.

Even so, it is still somewhat amusing to see how the various establishments of the night wax and wane over time. Which ones have been around the longest? The shortest? Which are the most popular? Which one is the cheapest? Which one has the best music? Which one has the best crowd? Etc. etc. etc. This is the wonderous trivia of the decadent, trendy, nocturnal socialite.

As I walked down from People’s Square, crossing Huai Hai Zhong Lu, on my way towards Xin Tian Di, I suddenly noticed that Judy Q is now known as Moment’s. That, in of itself, is largely unimportant to me though ever indicative of how one failed business is reborn as another. What amused me were the memories of what occupied that space before Judy’s Q: Club Pegasus.

Now, it’s hard to say whether anyone reading this is going to recall Pegasus because its heyday was most assuredly quite a few years ago. I’d venture to guess in 2004-2005, with 2006 definitely being a downward spiral before it became Judy Q in 2007.

Now, I fully subscribe to the notion that just about any place can play host to a rollicking good time as long as you have the right friends or people around you so I certainly had at least one great night at Pegasus back in early 2006. Oh, sure, the venue wasn’t particularly new, large, clean, grand, or whatnot but there were plenty of people, decent-enough music, a pool table, and a Street Fighter arcade machine!

Though that first experience was quite satisfactory, I will always remember Pegasus for my final experience there.

A group of friends and I paid the hefty cover charge and climbed up the stairs only to be greeted with a far smaller crowd than what we remembered it for. As we got ourselves situated and surveyed the landscape, a little portly white kid, who couldn’t have been more than 12-14 years old, sporting a jersey that protruded over his little belly pimp-limped past me with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth. To top it all off, he had this massive bling chain around his neck. He was trying so hard to be or look hardcore, I was absolutely dumbfounded. I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or immediately bitch-slap the little fucker upside the head.

The rest of the scene wasn’t much better. It soon became painfully obvious that we were probably at least 5-10 years older than the average age of the patrons that night, bewildering us as it confirmed several rumors we’d heard about Pegasus being known by that time for attracting the underage crowd.

So what do you do when you’re entirely on a different level in a different age group? Well, given that we’d already paid the ticket price for entry that included all-you-can-drink until something like 2am, we were quite hesitant to just throw it all away. So, in that situation, you do the only you can do: you resolve to get drunk in hopes that the pain will somehow go away.

“This is fucking ridiculous. I need a drink. Now.”

So there we were, hovering around the bar trying to drink our money’s worth double-time as little munchkins strutted amongst us. Even the arcade machine (which now featured Pacman, as if it were taunting us by harkening back to an even older age) could not save us from our bewildered misery.

“So, what brings you to Shanghai?”
“I’m studying here.”
“Oh, really? What year are you?”
“Sophmore.”
“Cool, what school do you go to?”
“Shanghai American School.”

And since SAS is a kindergarten to grade 12 school, that would be 14-15 years old fantastic.

And then it began…

A ring of people, no doubt with cracking voices and two mighty strands of pubic hair to rule them all to share amongst them all, formed on the dance floor. Like witnessing a train wreck, we edged away from the sanctuary of the bar to see what was going on.

Oh. My. Fucking. God.

It was a dance-off…”You Got Served” style.

Like this, but with less puberty, dance skills, and black people.

Little pimps and pimpettes, battling for street-cred supremacy, took turns in the human arena to bust their best dance moves. The little flat-chested hoochies shook their ass and did their best to look seductively uninterested in their male counterpart who, in turn of course, played cocksure of how large their gonads must be.

To be there and witness such a travesty was quite possibly one of the lowest points of my life. It will stain me forever, quite possibly disqualifying me from any salvation by any god just by mere association.

Moment’s looks nice in the pictures, being that its all redecorated and stuff. But, whatever its format, I doubt it’ll survive for long in the highly competitive and sometimes mysterious nightlife market that is Shanghai.